Outsider
by Jade127
Summary: Addison and Derek's daughter Deyah struggles to fit in with her blended family. Derek never knew about her until she was five. How will she be able to find her place in both of her parents family now that they both have their family of their own?
1. Prologue

** Before you proceed, I would like to introduce myself first. My name is Deyah Anika Montgomery-Shepherd. Dey for short, or Dee, like the letter from the alphabet. But most people just call me Deyah. **

**My name might sound simple, but let me tell you that my life is as complicated as it can be. First, of, I was an accident. Well… not really, for what my mom told me, I was just "unplanned". But for what it looks and how the last 8 years of my life feels like, I am an accident. A mistake, just a glitch in the system. And being unplanned or being an accident have the same meaning. I wasn't supposed to be here. And for you to understand my story, you'll have to buckle up now and prepare for the ride. I guess I'll have to start at the very beginning. I'll try my best to tell you everything that I can remember. Or at least as far as my memory will take me. And just for your information, not to brag or anything, but I am pretty smart, I'm in fifth grade, and I just turned eight. I'm mature for my age too. Well, I sort of have to be.**

**You see my parents are divorced. Yeah, I know another story about issues with parents right? but I'm telling it anyway. You see, my dad likes to blame my mom for the fall of their marriage. But if you ask me, it was his fault. Yeah, yeah, I know I have daddy issues. I'm not denying it, but it's not because of that. My parents are Doctors, they are surgeons to be exact. They're even one of the best in their fields. Not just in the United States, but in the world. Yeah, they are very intelligent and talented. They know exactly what to do to during emergencies and saving lives but they are pretty stupid when it comes to living their own lives. Remember when I said that it was my dad's fault for the falling of his marriage with my mom? Well, it's an only half-truth. My dad is a neurosurgeon. And like I said, he is one of the best in the world. People from all over the country and sometimes from outside the country come to visit him for a consult. So obviously, you would expect for him to work LOTS of hours in the hospital, to the point that he might even just live there if he has the choice. But for a brain surgeon, he's an idiot at being a husband. With all the hours that he puts at the hospital, he lost time to spend with my mom. He forgot their birthdays, holidays, special days, date nights, anniversaries, reunions, and everything and everyone else that doesn't wear a hospital gown. Lucky for him, he has a best friend that he sends over every time to fill his spot, not just for his husbandly responsibilities, but as a son and brother for his mom, and four sisters.**

**Now with my mom, she is also one of the best in her field. I think my mom has a cool job. She is a baby doctor. She's an OBGYN/neonatal surgeon and has double board certification. But unlike my dad, she knows how to manage and balance her time between her career, and her personal life. Too bad she was married to a brainless surgeon. If your still here, you might be wondering about what exactly happened to them. You already know that my dad is a workaholic. He cheated on my mom with his job. But unlike him, my mom cheated on my dad with an actual human being. And the best part about that is, she cheated on him with my dad's best friend. And to top it all of, my dad caught them in throes on their marital bed. Ouch! right? Well, not that I'm defending her, but it seems like my dad sending his best friend to cover for him had driven my mom to develop some feelings for dad's best bud.**

**So, my dad fled the country and disappeared from the face of the earth. No one had heard from him. Everyone thought that he might be dead. Hahaha! I'm kidding. That didn't happen. But he did disappear for a while. For two months. No one in New York knows where he ran away to. Oh yeah, did I tell you that I'm from New York? If my mom wasn't summoned to help with a TTS case in Seattle Grace Hospital, she might have not known about the whereabouts of my dad. My mom left immediately to go to Seattle, not just for the case, but to follow dad as well. She got the news that he's dating some twelve-year-old, blonde intern named Meredith in Seattle. So my mom got in a plain, left New York, followed my dad, and ruined his relationship with his girlfriend…mistress? My dad met her at a bar and she was supposed to be a one night stand. But, luckily for him, she happened to be interning at the same hospital that he got a job from. Anyway, if you still don't get the part about my dad being an asshole, well let me tell you. He has been dating an intern back in the Hospital where he happily got a job offer from Richard. Oh, and Richard was my parent's old mentor back when they were just interns themselves. Now he's the chief of surgery in Seattle Grace. **

** Anyway, My dad and his intern were together for about 2 months since he fled New York, but not once did he mention about a wife. Imagine Meredith's shock when she found out about my mom. She worshipped my dad, even dubbed him as "McDreamy". Yuck! he isn't that dreamy. Well, okay he is. I bet she changed that to "Mcdouche" right after my mom threw a bomb at her face. A piece of very explosive news.**

**But my mom had a little secret on her own too. She stayed with Mark, my dad's ex-best friend/ mom's lover (or sex buddy I guess)/ man whore for the whole two months that they were separated. And the twisted part is that Mark actually managed to knock up my mom and then she aborted that baby so she can get my dad back. Well, she finally decided that it wasn't going to work out between Mark and her since Mark fucks everything that moves. He was sleeping around still even when he and my mom were together and pregnant. And guess what? My mom didn't spill until after her divorce was finalized. If you're wondering if they got divorced right away, well nope they didn't. Here let me summarize it for you:**

**_My mom offered my dad a divorced and told him that if he signs, then she will too. It was his ticket way out, but Mcdouche took my mom back in, made her move to Seattle where they lived in a trailer on this huge piece of land near a lake, told my mom that he would try and work on fixing up their marriage, even went to a marriage counselor, tried talking, even if he's heart wasn't fully in it and always shutting my mom up when she wanted to talk to him. They shared boring sexes, adopted Meredith's dog, Doc, then he and Meredith would take him on walks, which my mom never knew about these "walks". _**

**_He told my mom that he's in love with Meredith on Christmas eve, which by the way was their favorite holiday, or what did my mom said "at least they used to" love it. I mean who does that on Christmas? What? He couldn't wait until the next day to fuck his intern? Oh, but he did fuck her alright. After six months of dragging my mom along due to his need of having an "obligation" to try, was wasted on an exam room during this stupid prom that was held in the hospital for Richard's sick niece. I don't know if it was a revenge on my mom for what she did, but did she deserved to be punished for six months? Well, she did cheat first and she is Satan after all. Satan, that is what my dad called her during her first few weeks in Seattle. What's worst than ending your marriage in an exam room sex? Your wife finding out about it through a black laced panty in a tuxedo pocket. Yeap! my mom found that slutty undergarment. Then, only then that he served my mom the divorced papers. He didn't want anything but the land in Seattle and everything in Seattle, because for him Seattle is the best place in the world! And here's my mom giving more reason to let him know that he's right by telling him the truth about Mark. What was it that she said to him? I believe that it goes something like this, "I stayed with Mark after you left…I'm not in love with him, or at least I thought I did…" _**

**_My dad was furious! I mean who wouldn't be? So he told my mom that she wasted his time, to stay as far away from him as possible, that she wants to never see her again and that he never would've taken her back if he knew about it then. _**

**I know it sounds like I hate the guy, but trust me I DO. I HATE both of them. For one is just as dumb and stupid as the other. Doctors? pathetic. And even if I hate my dad's guts, at least I agree to one of the many hateful words that he threw at my mom. I wish that he didn't take her back, and you should too. Because if he did just that, then I wouldn't be here whining annoyingly to you. But hey! At least I learned something; Just because the sex was boring, doesn't guarantee that it's not as effective as the pleasurable ones… I'm here, aren't I?**

* * *

HI! This is my first attempt to ever writing a fanfiction. I have never anything like this in my life before, so please feel free to comment your thoughts about it. And if there is anything that I can do to make it better. Anyway, the idea for this just came up when I was watching a Korean movie... but I will try to upload as much as I can on a weekly basis. Thanks!

PS: I will upload my attempt for an ADDEK fanfic as well as soon as I finish a chapter. I really miss them!


	2. Chapter 1

**I'm currently sitting on a bench here in Brooklyn Bridge Park. Just chilling, you know enjoying the sunset. The sun looked beautiful as it slowly sets on the horizon, glowing an orange hue all over the city. I'm not really a big fan of orange but, I like this kind of orange, it's soft. Not bright, or overwhelming. Let me tell you something about myself, I really appreciate a nice view, and I also really enjoy boat rides. I guess I do have something in common with my dad. **

**There are a bunch of kids running around here though. Yeah, I know I am eight and I should have fun with kids my age, but I like being alone, I guess. Just keeping things to my self. That's why I left the penthouse alone. I sneaked around my nanny and left without a word. She probably will notice soon that I'm missing, but right now I just really need some time by myself. You see as of today, I am officially eight years old. I wasn't lying when I told you that I'm eight. Most kids like me would probably have a party, maybe in a park-like this one, or at their homes with their invited guests. I used to have parties, but as I said, I'm a loner. I don't even have a friend that I can trust. So instead of having a children's party, I like to just spend time with my mom and hang out all day instead. This only started last year after I told my mom that I didn't want a party.**

**Last year, My mom and I went to go watch a musical on broadway. She took me to watch Wicked. It was AMAZING, but duh? Of course, it was. I might say that it was magical too. We got to watch it over one of the balcony seats. on the front mezzanine. Then, she took me to dinner in my favorite Asian restaurant in China Town. Where can you find a more authentic Chinese cuisine here In NYC than in China Town? I ordered my usual. Egg drop soup, Spring Rolls, stir-fried noodles, and teriyaki chicken. Then, just before our orders arrived, Jake and Henry arrived at the restaurant as well. Jake is my mom's boyfriend now, and Henry is my four-year-old brother. He is soon to be 5 though, in April. My mom started dating Jake when I was about four years old. I know that Jake wants to marry my mom. He asked her before, multiple times. I was even part of his plans, but my mom told him that she doesn't want to get married… yet… and that she loves what they have now. I adored the guy. He understood my mom. I think it was my dad's fault that my mom had a bad experience with being married.**

**Jake is the closest thing to a dad that I have here in NYC. He even told me that I could start calling him dad whenever I want to, but I just never felt comfortable with it. And obviously, I would rather prefer for it to be my actual dad who'll marry my mom. I mean, which kid doesn't have that kind of hope and dream? Your real mom and dad together and happy? It would be the best thing in the world. I haven't even hung out with my parents at the same time. It was always either my dad flies to come to visit me then we'll hang out. Or me visiting him in Seattle, then well have some bonding time. Sometimes it will be just the two of us, but lately, it has been more frequent than he would bring Zola and Bailey. And I bet once his new baby is born, there will be more in that party. And same with my mom. It was either just her or Jake and her. And now, Jake, her, and Henry, and soon, the twins will join too. For being a loner, I was given with many siblings. **

**Anyway, the food was delicious as always, but it wasn't as fun since Henry was not in the mood at all. He wasn't feeling well. I always thought that he was just a sickly kid. All I know is it's about his blood count being abnormal or something. Luckily for him, our blood types matched. So I donate a bag of blood monthly to him.**

**With him being all fuzzy, we went straight home. We were supposed to go shopping right after but my mom told me that we might just have to move the date for it because of Henry. I was upset, but I understand why. Jake did offer for him and Henry to go home so that me and my mom can go shopping, but my mom was already so worried that she insisted on going home instead. Well, it's just shopping. But it wasn't really about all the clothes or the shoes that I was looking forward to. It was more time with just my mom. She already works a lot, and whenever she's home, she's busy too, or that Henry needs attention. but whatever. I just really have to start getting used to this setup. **

**So, right when we got to the penthouse, I was greeted by our Nanny, Athena. She is a very sweet, nice and cool for an old lady. Alright. She's not that old I guess, but she is a lot older than my mom. Then, we went straight to the kitchen where there's a birthday cake with a lit number seven candle waiting for me to blow it. Dad was even there. He comes later since he has to fly from Seattle. Sharing a birthday with his other kid is a hassle for him. I know, but he puts an effort for both of us. Then him, my mom, Jake, Henry, and our nanny sang the ole "Happy Birthday" song for me before I made a wish and blew the candle. I wished for a puppy, and to have my mom and dad together again. I know, I know…that it's not going to happen anymore but a kid can hope right? At least I hope that me getting a puppy will come true. Before, I would always wish for the same thing every time, until I got my wish. When I was two, I wished for me to know my daddy. Then the year after that, I wished the same thing, then after that, and then after that. By the time my wish came true, I was already five years old.**

…

**_Few days after my fifth birthday, my mom and I flew to Seattle. And that was right after new years. You see, by this time, she was already dating Jake, and is about 5 months pregnant to my brother Henry... Anyway, I remember being super excited to finally meet my dad. I really wished that he will like me. All I know about my dad was that I have his eyes and his hair. And that I'm also a little bit like him, but when I smile, I look just like my mom. Or so I was told. Mommy always told me that my daddy's eyes were her favorite from him and that she was super happy that I got that gene. _**

**_I was so preoccupied with my thoughts about how our meeting will be like. I imagined a different kind of scenarios in my head like Him seeing me for the first time, with this wide grin in his face, opening his arms wide open for me to hug him. Or him being shocked and cry a little but, for the joy of seeing his daughter for the first time…yada…yada…yada. The last thing I knew is that I was standing in from of an office. I saw the plate by the door, and read who's office it could be. It belonged to a Derek Shepherd. Then I immediately thought that he must be my dad. I'm also smart like my parents I guess since I've been reading since I was just three. _**

**_ My mom told me to wait outside of the office for a bit for she needed to talk to him first. Then of course I obliged and sat on the nearest chair available outside the hallway. I don't know how long I was sitting there, but I know that it was long enough for me to see a blonde woman in a lab coat, carrying a blonde boy on her hip and holding a black girls hand with her other hand. She was talking to them and smiling. She didn't see me, but I heard her telling the children that they were going to surprise "daddy" for lunch. By then, I thought lucky for all of us seeing our daddies today. I was just so excited that I couldn't contain my emotion. I was smiling all the time that I was waiting. All I know is that when I finally see him, I will give him the biggest hug that I will ever give to anyone, and give him a million kisses, and tell him that I love him so much!_**

**_It didn't take long for my mom to come back and take me away from the chair that I was sitting on. I thought that we were about to go see my dad. But of course, that didn't happen. I didn't know why but all I know was that my mom was dragging me away from the hospital. Imagine my disappointment then. Out of the hospital I was already crying and screaming telling her that she lied. And asked her why I couldn't go see him yet. I even told her that I hated her. Well, okay, so she told me that I will be able to see him soon, just not right now since he is "busy" with work. She told me that my dad will visit at our hotel room in Archfield right when he finishes with his work. But for the meantime, my mom wanted me to have fun and go around the city's best kids spots. But I didn't want to. I told her that we should go to the hotel instead and just wait there. I thought that if I didn't go anywhere then it will be a hundred percent sure that I won't miss my dad when he comes over. I was still sad, but my dad said that he would come so I trust him. I have never met him then and yet I loved him so much. I really wish that I didn't though. _**

**_All the while that we were back in the hotel room, I've been watching this show, power puff girls, which is one of my favorite cartoon shows. And I also like Zack and Cody and Hannah Montana. But my best favorite is The little mermaid 1 and 2. I love Ariel, she looks like my mom, because she also has red hair. And that Ariel also has a daughter, Melody. I kinda look like her. Her dad has dark hair and blue eyes, and I know that my dad does too because I asked mommy if I looked like daddy at all. And she said that I have daddy's hair and eyes also. I also got chicken nuggets that we ordered through room service for lunch, ran around the hotel room, and I was as annoying as I can be since I kept bugging and asking my mom if my dad is about to come soon. Can you blame me? I've been waiting for five years. All-day, all I did was wait for daddy to arrive. I waited and waited until I passed out on the couch._**

**_I wasn't sure how long I was asleep but, I felt someone lightly shake my shoulder which woke me up from my sleep. When I opened my eyes, I saw a pair of blue-green eyes, which are my mommy's eyes. She was smiling at me so I smiled back too. But I was too sleepy that my eyes aren't fully opened yet that I didn't notice the man standing next to her. I also noticed that I am on the bed already and that there was a blanket that is hugging my body. Mommy probably moved me and I didn't notice it._**

**_"Hey there sweetie!" said mommy. "I'm so sorry to wake you up sweetheart, but someone is here to see you." She was kneeling on the side of the bed with her face close to mine._**

**_"Who?" I asked curiously, then yawned and blinked my eyes a couple of times trying to wake my self up… I didn't get up right away. I was too sleepy. I guess that plane ride and excitement did tire me out after. _**

**_"C' mon baby get up," Mommy told me again. I heard her so I stretched, and reached my arms out and wrapped it around her neck, then she carried me up and off the bed. I also rested my head on the nook of her shoulder. I curled my toes and looked at my little leg and notice that I'm also in my white pajamas with little pink tiara prints. And as soon as my mom turned away from the bed, that's when I heard the man's voice and finally noticed his presence. _**

**_"Hey Addison, if it's too late, I can come back early tomorrow morning. It looks like she's really tired." said the strange man in our room. "No, it's fine, it just really takes a while for her to wake up." said my mommy then she chuckled and said, "It's funny how both of us can wake up right away with the smallest noise, but she can't. Oh, the perks of being young" _**

**_"Mhmm," says the guy, and I know that he smiled too. Then I finally just wanted to know who it was so I looked up from my mom's shoulder and finally faced the man. The first thing that I noticed was that he has dark curly hair. As he saw me, he looked kinda shocked for a while, and then he finally smiled really wide and said hi. _**

**_"Hello!" I told him. Then there it hit me… Could it be? I think that he's my daddy. Suddenly my eyes are wide open. I just remembered. My dad was supposed to come here and I was waiting for him, but then I fell asleep._**

**_"Mommy? Can you put me down please?" I asked my mom and she nodded before she put me down. _**

**_As soon as I had both of my feet on the floor. The man kneeled to be on the same level as me. He was still smiling, and I think that he had tears in his eyes. He wasn't crying, but I know that he was about to. "Are you my daddy?" I asked gently. _**

**_He nodded and then I smiled widely. The kind of smile that went all the way through my eyes. I looked up my mom and then she nodded at me. "So you really are my dad?" I asked again just to make sure. _**

**_"Yes, baby, I guess I am. Oh my God wow. Look at you!" my dad said, then he wiped his eyes. I guess those tears eventually fell. _**

**_"Can I hug you?" I asked. I really thought that I was going to hug my dad as soon as I see him, but I felt shy and hesitant. _**

**_"Of course" he approved and opened his arms wide open. "Come here," he told me then I eventually walked into his arms and hugged him tightly. He carried me up and I wrapped my little legs around him. "Wow. Wow." He kept saying wow. What is so surprising anyway? "I couldn't believe this. Oh my," he looked at me one more time. "Addison, I don't think that we need the paternity test anymore. I believe you. She is mine." says my dad as he looked at mom before he kissed me on my forehead. _**

**_Mommy was also smiling. I didn't know what a paternity test it…but at that moment. Who cares about what anyone is saying? All I cared about was that I finally met who my dad is and that I can finally physically hug him. _**

**_"I LOVE YOU, DADDY!" I told him as I hug him. "I love you too baby!" he sniffled a bit. I wasn't sure why he was crying. Was I hugging him too tightly? _**

**_"Why are you crying?" I asked my dad curiously. "Was I hugging you too tightly?" Now I have a frown on my face. I didn't want to hurt daddy, so I apologized. " I'm sorry daddy. I really wasn't trying to hug you so tight. It's just that I miss you so much and that I have never met you before. And I swear that I love you very very much! Please don't be mad!" Now I am about to cry. Then my tears started to fall. _**

**_"Oh, no sweetheart! I'm not hurt. you didn't hurt me. I'm just very very happy to meet you." daddy assured me, as he set me down on the floor, and kneeled to be on the same level as me. _**

**_"It' just tears of joy baby," Mommy said while rubbing my back soothingly. _**

**_"Yeah. oh, and hey, I haven't introduced myself yet. Hi! My name is Derek Shepherd, and what is your name, my sweet girl?" Daddy asked. Oh, he's funny. _**

**_"Daddy! I know who you are. You are my dad! And my name is Deyah Anika Montgomery and I am five years old." I held my hand out, and my dad shook it. _**

**_"Well, it is very nice to meet you." said daddy. _**

**_I realized that he doesn't know anything about me yet, so I had planned to tell him everything. "My birthday had just passed by the way. I just turned five. Mommy and Santa got me lots and lots of presents. I also get double presents since my birthday is on Christmas eve. Jake also gave me my first bike, and Santa got me this really BIG dollhouse. Mommy got me new clothes and coats, shoes, and this…" I couldn't stop talking, I felt like I just need to tell him everything. But I had to go get Amy. "This is Amy she's my puppy. You see I wanted a puppy but mommy told me that I am still too young for a puppy, that's why I didn't get it this year. But I really wanted it, so Aunt Amelia got me this instead, she said that it's my temporary puppy. She also gave me my very first doctors kit. I wanna be a doctor just like her and mommy, and YOU!" I giggled as I shared this story to my dad, and I handed him, Amy. _**

**_"Aunt Amelia?" daddy asked. duhhh…stupid me! of course, daddy doesn't know who she is. "Yes, Aunt Amelia. She lives right across the hall from us. Mommy said that she's my aunt. I've known her since I was a baby. She is my favorite aunt! well, actually there's Aunt Savvy too! She's my favorite as well, but I see Aunt Amelia more often, and she gave me this puppy, so I named her Amy from her. Please don't tell Aunt Savvy!" I rambled and pleaded to my dad. _**

**_"Of course baby! I won't I promise." He smiled at me and I hugged him again. Wow, I love daddy. I wanted to tell him more but he told me that he has to talk to my mom for a while. Mommy also told me that it's very late and that I should go back to sleep soon. _**

**_"But mom! I have a lot more to tell daddy! I have so much! He doesn't even know that my favorite color is pink and that I love boat rides just like him!" I said pouting. _**

**_"You like boat rides?" daddy asked. See if I only have more time to get to talk to him, then we would get to know each other more. I nodded, and I thought that he would agree with me, and still want to talk to me more but I was wrong. "Uhmm baby, I know how exciting it may be for us to talk more, but we will have more time, I promise. But right now you have to go to bed. You need to have sleep, so you can have all the energy tomorrow, so we can talk some more. How does that sound?" _**

**_"mhmm…but I already slept. Remember? I was just sleeping when you got here, then I woke up." I reasoned. _**

**_"That's true. But you need to have more sleep. Little girls like you still need a lot of sleep, so you can grow some more." said daddy. "Besides well see each other again tomorrow. How about I'll take you, and your mom out for breakfast tomorrow?" _**

**_"As long as you get me chocolate chip pancakes and juju," I told him, as I negotiate. _**

**_"Yes, ma'am! I'll get you whatever you want" said daddy, still smiling. I like his smile very much! _**

**_It was good enough for me but then I remembered. "Ohh and daddy one more thing!" I said. "Will you tuck me in please?" _**

**_"I would love to" my dad then got up on his feet slowly and groaned. Why do adults do that? hehe, I remember what the captain said, "Old people have weak joints that make it hard for them to stand up without groaning..."_**

**_I then dragged my dad to the bed that my mom and I shared. OOOHHH! I'm so happy! this day is literally the best day ever. My daddy is here. He loves me, and now he's tucking me in for the very first time ever! He then kissed me goodnight and him and my mom walked away and headed to the living room of the hotel. I was super happy that I smiled myself to sleep. It was hard to contain my excitement for tomorrow, but sleep got the best of me anyway._**

**_…_**

**I thought that right after I meet my dad, I will have a complete family. Welp, stupid five years old me! Because right now, I am alone on the day of Christmas eve, freezing near the Brooklyn Bridge. And what sucks more is that the snow seems to come later this year. It's Christmas eve, and there hasn't been any snow yet. Aunt Amy said that it might come on Christmas day. But at this point who cares anyway? At least there was a sunset that I at least got to enjoy. The sunset that marked the end of the day, and welcomed the night. The sunset that officially marked that I turned eight by myself.**

** I tightened my coat and started to walk away from the bench that I warmed up, marking that I was there, but soon it will cool off again like I was never there. Well Deyah, Happy Birthday to you…but whatever! **


	3. Chapter 2

**My phone had been ringing way before I decided to leave the park. I didn't have to look at my phone to know who it was. It was either, mom, my nanny, or maybe Jake. After all, I did leave without asking permission or letting them know that I will be heading out at least. I know, that I'm only eight, but who am I kidding? I'm a New Yorker. Besides, I'm a fast learner. My nanny, Athena would usually take me out whenever I ask her, and of course I observe all the directions and every road signs that I could possibly master, even riding the subway. And I swear that I will be going home. I just need to get some stuff from the store quickly. Oh, yeah, I also kinda sneaked out my mom's credit card, and "borrowed" my nanny's metro card too. Well more like borrowing without asking. I will return everything that I took I promise! but for now, I took the subway and stopped by The Sweet Shop on East on 73rd street. It's the end of the day but it doesn't mean that I don't want to get at least a birthday cake. Besides I always blow the fire off a candle every year. It's my tradition you know. **

**My phone was buzzing again, and maybe this time, them…whoever it maybe that's trying to annoy me to get my attention, worked because I peaked. And then I saw who was calling. It was my dad. **

…

**_The morning after I met my dad, he took me and mommy to the finest breakfast place in Seattle. And just like he promised, I got a HUGE stack of chocolate chip pancakes and some juju, well it's really just hot cocoa, but mommy told me a story about how she and her friends would call it juju for good luck, and I guess that it just stuck. Ever since then, I would always say juju. Mommy also orders a side of fruits, which are cantaloupe, honeydew, blueberries, and a strawberry. I wasn't feeling like eating it but my mom insisted. She said that my little body needs it for me to grow. And I believe her. She is a doctor after all._**

**_"This is probably the best breakfast that I've ever had in my life!" I said happily. _**

**_"Oh really? Why do you say so?" asked mommy. _**

**_"Because this is the first time, that I have breakfast with daddy and you together." Both mommy and daddy are looking at each other. I wasn't sure what's up with adults and there "secret messages" but I'm too happy to question anything. Then I proceeded to eat my pancakes._**

**_"Hey, baby, what do you think about spending the day with your dad?" Mommy asked " Just the two of you, you know so you can bond and get to know each other" I felt my eyes opened wide and I smiled while chewing the pancakes. _**

**_"Would you like that?" asked daddy. _**

**_I nodded and said, "Yes! Yes! I would love that!" I went to go approach my mom and gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. a sticky one actually since there's maple syrup all over my face. "I've never had a family bonding before!" I was super excited, but then my mom said that she wouldn't come with us. That it's better for me to just spend time with just daddy for now, since we just met. _**

**_I'll admit I was pretty bummed but what can I do right? So, I went back to my seat and nodded in agreement. _**

**_"Hey, now… I promise that well have fun! I will take you to the top of the Seattle needle. Your mom said that you like the heights, and enjoy the skyscrapers" said, daddy._**

**_"Yeah! I do! I love heights! Sometimes I wish that I can't fly!" I told daddy excitedly. "That's why I love skyscrapers. But my favorite thing about it is the view from up there and the viewfinders! It makes me see things closer from up there which is super cool cuz I can see everything from up there!" _**

**_Once we finished breakfast, me and my dad left together, but not without me saying goodbye to my mom. The first place that my dad took me to is at the needle. I loved it up there. I saw most of Seattle. Seattle is also really pretty. I didn't know what the heck that my mom was talking about before. Because she told me that she hated it here, and something about a trailer? _**

**_Daddy lifted me up so I can reach the viewfinder. "You know, your mom loved viewfinders too!" daddy told me as I eagerly look through the holes. "It was one of the things that I liked about her before actually."_**

**_Oooh, wait…did he just say something about mommy? "Hey daddy, now that we're finally together, maybe you and mommy can be together again too!" I suggested. "I mean Jake lives with us now and they are having a baby, but that's okay, right? You can come live with us. I'm sure it will be fun! So that we will always be together now!" I rambled, having trouble to control my excitement. _**

**_"Wow! Slow down there princess!" He calmed me down by taking me into his arms as we start to head down. "I'm sure that that's going to be really fun! And I would love to have you all the time with me, but sweetie, I live in Seattle and you live in New York. Besides, I have a job here." _**

**_"Maybe you can come and move with us! I'm sure Mount Sinai would let you work for them!" I just really want my dad to come with us back to New York. "Also Aunt Amy is there. I'm sure she would love to meet you!"_**

**_"Where are all of this ideas are coming from baby?" daddy asked. "And also, I already know your Aunt Amy." _**

**_"You do?" I asked curiously. _**

**_"Yes. I know her very well because I grew up with her. She's my little sister you know." Said, dad._**

**_My dad let me down so we both could sit on a bench outside of the needle. I looked up for a while admiring the height of it. Man, my attention span at this age was still not very good. Anyway, I snapped out of my reverie when my dad started speaking again. "Did Aunt Amy didn't tell you about me?" _**

**_"Hmm. She told me that she had a brother. So you! Like your Aunt Amy's brother?!" I asked almost shouting since I couldn't believe it. How come they kept it a secret from me? "She also said that she has other sisters. I met one of them, Aunt Nancy, she works with both Aunt Amy and mommy at the practice. She's also my mom's doctor now since mommy is pregnant." I paused to take a breath. _**

**_"Wait, hold on sweetie. You've met your Aunt Nancy too?" Daddy asked now with a crease on his forehead. _**

**_I nodded._**

**_"Does that mean that she's your sister too? Aunt Nancy has kids, but she keeps telling me about these proper moments to meet them. Just like what mom says about meeting you; That I will meet you at the right time." I explained. However, I never really asked about why there has to be a right time. _**

**_"Daddy, how come there has to be a right time to meet people sometimes? But sometimes you just meet people like right when you see them? Like when I met Aunt Amy's mom." My dad looked shocked when I mentioned Miss Carolyn, who is Aunt Amy's mom. "But wait…does that mean that you have the same mom? That she's my…grandmother?!" _**

**_"Yeah…she's your grandmother. Hold on, baby, so you've met your grandmother?" daddy asked and I nodded. "Sweetheart, how old were you, when you ah…when you meet her?" _**

**_"Ms. Carolyn? I don't remember, maybe since I was a baby? hmm, two? I don't know…I'm sorry daddy I couldn't remember. All I know is that I see her whenever she comes over at Aunt Amy's penthouse, then Aunt Amy, she comes to get me from across the hall, because Ms. Carolyn is there." I said it like it was something obvious._**

**_"But Dad, how come they never told me that she's my grandma? was it a secret?" I asked pensively. _**

**_Daddy was quiet for a while, "….You know sweetheart, I wanna answer your questions, but I don't know the answers yet. I think you better ask your mom about it." says dad, smiling at me. "But speaking of siblings…your mom said that you're about to have a baby brother soon!" _**

**_We are now walking towards the parking lot. Dad holding my hand the entire time. "Yeah! I am going to be a big sister soon. I'm super excited! but mommy said that we don't have the same dads, therefore that we are only half-siblings. Do you have half-siblings daddy?" I asked. _**

**_"Oh no, sweetie. I don't have any half brothers or sisters, but I do have 4 sisters. You know, two of them are your Aunt Nancy, and Aunt Amy? And they used to tease me all the time." said daddy. "And baby, you have other half-siblings here in Seattle too." _**

**_"I do? where are they? and are they mommy's babies? How come I've never met them?" So I have more siblings…are they the kind of people that I have to meet at the right time too? _**

**_My dad laughed a bit. "No. they're not your mommy's babies. They are mine." _**

**_I have all these questions in my head as I get in the car and got my seatbelt buckled. "So they live here in Seattle?" _**

**_"Uhuh! You have two of them. They live here in Seattle! You're going to meet them soon tonight would you like that?" Daddy asked with a smile on his face. _**

**_"Yeah!" I screamed before I felt the car's engine run and were ready to move to our next destination. But my smile slowly fade as I tried to process what daddy just told me...he has two other kids and they live here in Seattle. So maybe that's why he never visited me, but no, mommy said that he never knew about me. But maybe that is why he doesn't want to go to New York with us? All this question and no answers, but soon enough I can ask more questions from daddy. But I couldn't help but feel sad and jealous. _**

**I finally answered the call when I saw that it was my dad. I didn't answer it because I wanted to talk to him. I answered because I'm not sure if Mom and Jake contacted him about me being missing or something. You see my dad is on vacation with his family and I just don't want to bother him. I had to make sure to tell him that I'm fine so he can proceed with his vacation. He promised me that he will call me today to greet for my birthday, but surely I didn't know that It was gonna be this kind of greeting. hahaha. yeah I know it's not funny. How pathetic right? **

**"HI!" I greeted the person on the other line which assuming is my dad. **

**"Deyah!" My dad yelled "Thank God you're okay! But sweetie you are in a lot of trouble! Where the hell are you? Your mom and Jake called me asking me if you contact me at all! But of course, I told them that I haven't spoken to you since I haven't called you yet!" My dad is scolding me now UHHHH! **

**"We were worried sick about you! And why aren't you answering our texts and calls? You better get back home now or have Jake come to get you!" **

**"Dad, okay… calm down will you?" I need to make sure that he'll let me talk before I proceed. I'm not in the mood to get in an argument. **

**"First of all, I am fine. And yes, I will be going home right now, and for where I was, well, I just went to a park that's all." I explained hoping that he'll just drop this conversation already. **

**"You have me worried sick! When your mom called I thought I was about to hop on the plane and go there in New York to find you! And you shouldn't be walking around the city by yourself! It's about to get dark soon! It's dangerous in the city at nighttime, and you should know that! You are a smart kid, what's going on with you?" Dad continued. **

**"Well, I'm sure there's no need for that! Besides, you're on a vacation dad. And I promise that I am on my way home right now. Honest. Alright, bye now dad, and greet Bailey Happy birthday for me will you? Okay, bye now!" I dropped the phone right away. I don't wanna know what else there is that he has to say. But I know that it sparked his memory and remembered that it's my birthday too…or at least I hoped so. **

**I also turned off my phone. I just don't want to receive any calls anymore. Besides if they worry, I really wasn't lying when I told dad that I'm about to go home.**

**The Lady on the bakery handed me my order as she said, "Merry Christmas!" I just smiled at her and said thanks. But of course, I greeted her Merry Christmas as well since it is Christmas. Besides, at least she greeted me. Not like my dad who didn't even bother to tell me Merry Christmas. Or maybe I just never gave him a chance. I was going to call him back just to know if he would remember, but he's my dad, he should know better. And besides, it's also my fault for turning off my phone. Stupid me. I wouldn't even know if he called me again. haha**

**I carefully walked the streets with a box in my hands as I hailed a cab. Looking outside the window, it looks festive. But the traffic is horrible since there are a lot of people right now in the city for the holidays, but with how I'm feeling right now, I don't really mind. Well, time to go home now…home, whatever that is. **


	4. Chapter 3

**As soon as I walked in the penthouse I was greeted by my Mom in the hall. I guess that Jake is still at the hospital. She looked really mad. Well, I'm not surprised as I expected this already. I mean duh? Parents right? They always just pay attention to all the things that you do wrong. **

"**Where the hell were you young lady?" asked my mom furiously. "We were worried sick! We had no idea where you were! Your nanny called me from the hospital and told me that you were missing! I even had to call your dad to ask if you contacted him! Luckily he answered!" now she is yelling at me. "What the hell were you thinking." **

"**I'm sorry that I worried you! I just wanted to go out for a while I wasn't planning on running away! And I promise that I didn't do anything stupid." I told her. But I know that more questions are coming my way. **

"**Oh really? Well, that would be fine if you had asked permission. You could've at least told Athena so she could have come with you!" I told you! And hey, she's still yelling. **

"**I said I'm sorry mom, and here. I guess I'm sorry about taking that too, but I just used it for my cab fare and this." I showed her the pastry box that I was holding as Athena emerge from the kitchen. "And also here you go, Athena." I handed her the metro card. "I'm sorry for taking it without asking too!" Athena just looked at me sadly but also a little bit angry. **

"**Did you take the SUBWAY?!" mom asked enraged. **

**Oh and my mom has always been against subways. I guess she's probably used it once or maybe twice in her entire life. She just keeps telling me how it's unsafe. But we live in New York for God-sakes! Subways are the best way to get around.**

"**Ahhh… yes, I did. But in my defense, I was VERY careful." And I stressed the word very as well as I could. **

"**Oh my God." I think that my mom is about to ground me right about now…. "So you left, without telling anyone, got us worried to the point that I was about to call the cops to find you, stole my credit card and Athena's metro card, and I specifically told you before to not use the subway unless there's an adult present and you still did! You know I would hate to do this to you now since it's Christmas, but your grounded Deyah! No phone! and No internet! And I'll make sure to have Athena watch you like a hawk so you can't sneak out again! Do you understand?" **

**I told you she was going to ground me! "I'm too focused on pitying myself right now that I think that I deserve all of this added punishment anyway. So I didn't say anything. I just looked at her and I saw that Athena was about to say something. I know that she remembers my birthday and that she was going to tell my mom about it, but before she can I had to come up with something to say myself. Anything really, even something stupid...**

**So I smiled weakly at my mom as I also raised my eyebrows at her. "Okay, mom. Thanks!" **

**She probably was shocked with my reaction that she creased her eyebrows and loosened her arms that were crossed as she was scolding me. She looked dumbfounded. I also handed her my phone, and as I was about to turn around, I felt that I was still holding the box from The Sweet Shop. **

"**I'll also go straight to my room after I drop this off in the kitchen," I told her with looking at her.**

"**Ahh. I'll take it if you'd like." Athena asked. **

**I like Athena at least she gets me. She can tell my moods and even my emotions. That's why she's not saying anything about my birthday yet. I like her. **

"**Alright, thanks!" I smiled at her. She took the box from me and I was heading for the stairs. **

"**Wait" I felt a hand grab my arm gently. It was my mom, and she doesn't sound mad anymore. "Okay. Can I have a do-over, and can we talk?" **

**I didn't answer her. I guess I'm giving her the silent treatment now? I mean she did forget my birthday. And I guess having it on the day of Christmas eve shadows over the birth of your child? Or it was just Henry being in the hospital and is in critical condition for almost a week now.**

"**What's going on. I know that something is bothering you." Mom asked concerned. **

**Just tell her already. I told my self but, Nah. I'm being petty. "Nothing mom. I'm fine, and I'm sorry again. I just really want to go to my room now."**

**She finally let me go, but as I start to head up, I felt my self stop and turned around once more and asked her a question. "Mom, by the way, how's Henry? Is he feeling any better?" **

**My mom sighed. "He's feeling okay, but he is not getting any better."**

"**Is Jake with him?" I asked concerned. **

"**Yeah Jake stayed at the hospital with him, but Henry should be able to be with us tomorrow for Christmas," she said. **

"**That's good!" I said perkier than I wanted it to sound. "And mom…"**

"**Yeah?"**

"**I am really sorry for worrying you, especially now that you have a baby or babies in your tummy….I didn't mean to stress you out, and I hope that you won't get too mad, so your blood pressure shouldn't get too high since it's bad for the baby and all…" Now I'm just rambling. I don't even know why I'm still here, maybe deep inside I want my mom to realize that it's my birthday. **

**My mom went through IVF to conceive since it has been challenging for her age to get pregnant naturally. Henry's doctor highly encouraged for both Jake and my mom to have another kid, for Henry. They said that there is the best chance for siblings to have a match for bone marrow. Me and Henry match with our blood, but with red bone marrow, we don't match. I don't really understand how it works, but that's why my mom is pregnant again, and this time, it's two babies. Henry will have better chances. I love him, and I want him to get better soon. Also with Jake's specialty, he knew the best doctors that helped both him and mom. **

"**Thanks, baby! And don't worry about it. But you are still grounded though." she's smiling now, which is good. **

"**Okay." **

**I looked up and noticed that I have five more stops to make before I will be able to reach the second level of the penthouse. So come on feet! get going already! But I guess I still gotta say one more thing. Last attempt for her to notice. **

"**Oh and mom." She's still standing at the same spot that she's been for the last few minutes since I kept her from going anywhere else. "Can you tell Athena to just throw away that…hum thing that I bought today. I know that it's a waste and that I wasted your money, but I don't want it anymore." I said, trying not to be noticed that now I just want to cry. How pathetic. "Or maybe she can have it if she wants it. I don't know anyway…I'll probably go to bed early now. Goodnight and ah… Happy Christmas…**_**(I stopped for a while thinking whether I should say it or not, and I didn't.)**_**…mom." And I smiled at her.**

**With that I finally got the courage to walk away from her and straight to my room, I go. Just thankful enough that there's a lock on my door, to keep my privacy. And I said it right. "Happy Christmas and Merry birthday" it was always how my mom would greet me and it stuck so I use it too. Only for today. Mom is the one who started saying it. She said that it's fitting since my birthday is on the same day as Christmas eve. Happy birthday and Merry Christmas. So she just switched it around instead of saying the greetings traditionally. I want her to notice what I did, so hopefully, but since Henry got sick, she has been pretty busy with him. I mean he is sick after all, but she did forget my birthday. I know I sound selfish, but I can't help the way I'm feeling. I'm only eight!**

**If your wondering I haven't told you why Henry is at the hospital. Remember when I told you the story of my seventh birthday? Henry is sick. Very sick actually. He's not always at the hospital but a week ago, he fainted that mom and Jake rushed to take him to the hospital. **

**He has leukemia. His doctors hoped that it wouldn't get this bad, but it did since there were some abnormalities with his blood count, Leukemia was the sequelae from it. And lucky for him, our blood matches. Yay me! I constantly donate blood to him. More frequently now that he is getting worse. Our blood type is AB-, the rarest blood there is. **

**Soon, once the twins are born, he will have a bone marrow transplant. **

**Hopefully, they will match with him.**

…

_**So after all the fun activities that my dad and I did, from roller coaster rides to endless ice creams, shopping, building a bear together at a build-a-bear workshop, running and hiding from him, daddy having panic attacks looking for me, and much more than I can fit into words. I love having a dad, my OWN dad. Don't get me wrong Jake is fun, but he's not mine. Now, daddy and I are ready to call it a night, but dad still wants me to go meet his kids, my siblings. Saying the word siblings gives me a weird feeling, it's foreign, but I like it.**_

_**We are now in a ferry boat, on the Deck and we are looking at the Seattle skyline as the ferry takes us slowly away from it. Cities always look so magical at night and even looks peaceful during the day when you are in the middle of the water on a ferry, maybe that's why he likes ferry boats. Mommy told me about his "thing" with them. That is why I wasn't surprised when told me that he has to ride the ferry every time he goes home. He said that it is the best way to start the end of your day. He was still talking but I'm feeling exhausted, from the day we had together. I was resting my chin on the railing of the boat as I feel my eyes slowly closing. I was also hugging the bear that I got. I named him Christopher because today I learned that Daddy's middle name is Christopher and I dressed him in blue scrubs, with a white coat over it just like dad. **_

_**All I wanted to do was hug the bear, but as I was slowly drifting away into sleep, I wasn't aware that I was losing my grip from it. It slept off from my arm and fell on the deck. My dad quickly picked it up and placed it back to my side. I moved away from the railings and I just raised my arms up to him, wanting him to pick me up, which he did. I guess all kids use the same body language to their parents when we were younger. It's like we are programmed with it. **_

_**Once he picked me up, I rested my head on his shoulder. I can hear him talking and say something about me being tired, as he rested his hand on my back. But I didn't care about what he was saying for I fell asleep in his arms for the very first time. But just before I was deep enough in my sleep, I was sure that I heard him say 'I love you'. **_


	5. Chapter 4

**_I wasn't sure about how long I was asleep, but I was awakened, when I felt my little body shake side to side like we were on a rocky road. I rubbed my eyes before I propped it open. I was in a car, fastened at the back seat on a booster. I noticed Christopher's outline next to me. It was dark inside the car, but so is outside. I'm guessing that my dad lives very far from the city. It looks so different from where I live in New York, but it reminds me of some of the roads that lead to our house at the Hamptons. _**

**_The Hampton House is our summer house. I spent most of my summer days over there. We also used to go there every weekend, but lately, we haven't been spending our weekends at the Hamptons since Jake became my mom's boyfriend. And then mommy was sent a baby from heaven, at least that is what Aunt Amy told me, but mommy said that Jake gave her a seed to plant in her tummy that grows a baby. I don't know, but one of those stories has to be true right? _**

**_Me yawning had gotten my dad's attention. Not that I was trying to or anything like that._**

**_"Hey, sweetie! How was your nap?" daddy asked while adjusting his rearview mirror._**

**_"It was good dad! I was flying!" I always love this version of my dreams, for I always wanted to either fly or be a mermaid. I can't decide. But why not both? However, mommy said that it's impossible for anyone to do those things. She said that they were just physically impossible._**

**_"Flying huh? where did you go?"_**

**_"I was flying over a lake, and then I flew over the clouds, but you were with me! We were flying together and the winds were blowing at our faces really hard, that my hair got really messy!" I giggled. I was really happy sharing what my dream was about that I didn't notice that we finally reached dad's driveway._**

**_"Oh yeah? That sounds like fun! But we are here, and I'm going to show you something okay?" He stepped out of the car to open my side of the car door. _**

**_I unbuckled my seat belt, and let my dad help me off the car. He grabbed my hand, but I stopped for a while since I forgot Christopher in the car. Daddy unlocked the car doors again so he can go get him for me. _**

**_I said thanks, as we continue to walk near an edge of a hill. _**

**_What I saw was beautiful. It was an overlooking view of a lake and some houses that are built near it. That provided some of the light for us to see the lake. I loved it. I turned my head around and there, I saw a big house with lots of glass windows. Maybe it's daddy's house? It's really pretty. Then it felt like it was the Hamptons, but it's a lake instead of a beach, and a big cabin style house instead of this giant mansion. The Hampton house wasn't that big, but it's big enough for me, my mom, and the caretaker who takes care of it whenever we're away. _**

**_"So what do you think?" Daddy sure does have a lot of questions for me tonight doesn't he? Well, maybe I guess me too. _**

**_"It's really pretty dad! Do you live here? And is that your house over there?" I asked with my finger pointing at the house behind us. _**

**_"Yeah! That's where I live," he said looking at it with a look on his face like he was thinking about something. "Are you ready to go inside and meet your siblings?"_**

**_I just nodded at him with a big smile. I know I am excited, but why did I get nervous all of a sudden?_**

**_As soon as dad unlocked the front door, there was a blonde lady that greeted him and kissed him on the cheek, but she also whispered something in his ear. I noticed that she looked familiar too. Have I met her before?_**

**_Not long after that, I heard some happy screams coming out of nowhere. Daddy was attacked with hugs and kisses from a black girl, and a small blond boy. Daddy picked both of them up and gave each of them kisses on the cheek as well. _**

**_I didn't move from where I was at since I stepped inside the house. Then I realized, I have seen them before! At the hospital. I remember! It was the day that I was waiting at the waiting room of the hospital, while my mom talked to my dad!_**

**_Watching them all interact with each other was really nice because they looked really happy as a family! Everyone was happy to see each other, greeting each other, and there's another member of the family that I haven't seen yet. From what I think is the kitchen, Ms. Carolyn emerged. Seeing a familiar face inside this house change my expressionless face, to a small smile. Well, at least it was as close to a smile. I just felt my lip curved up, and moved some of the muscled on my face. Although, none of them seem to notice my presence yet…_**

**_"Hey, there son! How are you?" said Ms. Carolyn._**

**_"Hi…mom. What are you doing here?" dad asked Ms. Carolyn, with a tone in his voice that he is not happy to see her. What's up with him? Was she not happy to see his mom? _**

**_"Oh come on. Is that how you greet your mother now?" Ms. Carolyn propped her hands on her hip like she's on that mom mode. It's a silent message that means, you better fix up your attitude or you'll get some spanking, or maybe no spanking, but for sure a lecture. _**

**_My dad sighed as he set both of the kids down, on the floor. "Hey, babies! Is it okay if you go with your mom first, Nana and I will just have to talk for just a little bit alright?"_**

**_"Alright! Then well have some dinner? I helped nana cook tonight!" The little black girl was very proud while she shared her news to dad. " I was her so, shoo, ahh zoo…"_**

**_"A sous chef!" I blurted out. Man, shut up mouth! "Sorry, I didn't mean to…" I apologized for my uncontrollable urge to say what the little girl couldn't pronounce properly. I mean it wasn't that hard of a word. _**

**_Everybody in the room turned their heads towards my direction. Great! Now they are all looking at me. Great Job Deyah! Control your mouth next time okay? Ms. Carolyn's gaze at me is what I was most scared of… While the others were just surprised to see me, well more like shock…I can tell that she didn't want me there. I don't know why but she's my grandmother and were friends since I see her from time to time at Aunt Amy's place. But I guess she just wasn't happy with what I did. _**

**_"Hmm… daddy…Who is she?" The little girl asks. _**

**_"Well Zola, I'm sure that the food you and Nana prepared is delicious. And I promise that we'll have dinner soon okay. But… come here, sweetheart." Dad nodded his head directing me to go towards him. _**

**_I obeyed, like a good little puppy, and walked towards him. I was right in front of them now. Ooh, I hate this feeling. That feeling that you get when all eyes are pointed at you. Like you did something terrible, that will send you away for a time out._**

**_"Zola, Bailey, I would like you to meet Deyah." Daddy took my hand in his, as I looked at the kids in front of me. Zola and Bailey…it feels surreal that I have siblings now, and that my family just got bigger. "She's your sister." Both Zola and Bailey are now looking at me too. Zola is taller than me, but maybe we're just around in the same age, but Bailey looks a lot younger, maybe he's three? Or maybe he's two….I really don't know. "And you know. She and Bailey have the same birthday!"_**

**_"Weally?!" asked Bailey with glee._**

**_"HI…" I said as I waved my little hand at them._**

**_"Hi!" Bailey waived at me._**

**_"Hi!" Zola waved at me as well. "Did you and mommy adopt her too daddy? Is she going to live with us now? Yay! I finally have a sister! Can she sleep in my room tonight!" She's too excited, which is good since that means she likes me, but…I'm not adopted! But maybe she is, which will explain why she looks different from us. I mean I'm not racist. I'm just always curious._**

**_"But daddy! I told you that I wanted a wittle bwotheh!" said Bailey, disappointed with the news. He still slurs his words, and still cannot pronounce his words properly, which is pretty normal for his age still, but mommy said that I always speak clearly even when I was just barely starting to talk._**

**_"Oookay…well, how about we let daddy and Nana talk and we can all go upstairs first?" The blonde lady suggested. Which I guess from the wedding band on her finger is that she's daddy's wife. "Hi, Deyah! I'm Meredith. It's so nice to meet you!" She said sounding a little fake for my taste, but she also gave me a gentle hug, and I can feel her care, so maybe that she's nice too._**

**_"Yeah, babies. Go with your mom first, and hey you can hang out with Deyah for a while before dinner." Ms. Carolyn instructed them, and she smiled at me too. Another one of that fake kind of smile. I guess hanging out with Bizzy, even just or a small amount of time has taught me something useful. I learned when people are genuinely happy to see you, or if they are just faking it until they walk away from each other's space. _**

**_I told you, Even when I was five, I am smart, and have been around enough socialites to know how to survive their charity events as a kid, and as a granddaughter of Bizzy Forbes-Montgomery. It wasn't my choice or my mom's choice for us to go, but we were "expected" to go so we have to be there. I guess that is how family works. You must follow what they are expecting out of you. _**

**_"Okay Daddy!" said Zola and Bailey in unison, as they reached for their mom's hand. Meredith also offered me her hand to hold. I looked at my dad and he said "go on, it will be fun! Get to know each other, okay" and he kissed me on my head. _**

**_Well, what else can I do? I wasn't really given any choices to choose from. Now, I can feel that there's tension in this house. I've been in this kind of situations before. When adults try to send you away for adults to 'talk'. Most of the time these kinds of orders are a meal itself. It's something serious, something heated, a side of arguments, and yelling, and a desert of someone walking away from the fight with cherries on top. _**

**_So, to avoid the pre-course meal, I walked upstairs with my dad's family. They have a wide, open space up there that is full of toys. I guess that is where the play area is, and even if I wasn't given a grand tour yet, I can already tell that this house is big. I even had small talks with Meredith with her asking me a bunch of questions about what I think of Seattle, her telling me that I look just like my dad, but me looking like my mom when I smile…Zola and Bailey goofing around me, me playing with them… But the entire time that I was with them, I was bothered about what is going on downstairs with daddy and Ms. Carolyn, since I can already hear some yelling going on. _**

**_At least they're almost halfway through. Someone just has to let the argument go and then it will be quiet again. Doesn't guarantee peace between the two parties, but I'm sure that it is going to be silent. The kind that makes you want to disappear away from it. I also wish that mommy is here with me, so I don't feel as awkward, or as an outsider. _**

**_But feeling that way around my dad's family, in his house, and in Seattle was just the beginning. Little did I know, that at that moment, I was about to always feel that way with them. _**

**_It also didn't help that as soon as we were about to have dinner together, Ms. Carolyn pulled me aside somewhere in the living room, away from the crowd. And as quietly as possible, she said, "Listen carefully. Now, that you finally know who I really am, and that your dad is my son but for me. I am still going to be Ms. Carolyn to you. Nothing will change, and please don't start calling me Nana. Your just my son's kid, but I will never be your grandmother. Do you understand? "_**

**_I was shocked, scared, and I wanted to cry, but instead, I looked at her and nodded._**

**_"And you cannot tell anyone about what I just told you okay? Or your dad will hate you, that he wouldn't want to see you ever again." She has a smug look on her face as she petted my hair, which just messed it up, to be honest. _**

**_"Now smile!" Ms. Carolyn ordered. It actually reminded me of Bizzy. She would also always tell me to smile whenever I have to. And for me, it's automatic now. it's like I have this button that is labeled with "smile." Like anyone has access to it and I could immediately change the way my face looks, but not my emotions. I guess that's another thing that I will be thanking Bizzy someday for; How to control my emotions, even crying. She hates crying, especially in public, and faking a smile is one of my many talents now. _**

**_Meredith came and found us, and she invited us to the kitchen for dinner. Both me and Ms. Carolyn followed her and she also helped me up to the chair, which is in between Ms. Carolyn, and Zola. Across the table, I am facing Bailey who's on a booster, and next to her is Meredith. My dad is sitting on the side of the table by himself, that he can oversee everyone. _**

**_"Let's say grace first," Ms. Carolyn said. _**

**_And there I bowed my head, and prayed not to thank for the food, but for me to teleport back into the hotel room where mommy is at. But of course, it wasn't granted. _**

**_Having Ms. Carolyn next to me caused for my limited movements, my quietness, and my loss of appetite for this wonderfully cooked meatloaf. Thankfully, that tension is still there hovering around us. That everyone was quiet as well. No one even attempted a conversation, until Zola commented about the elephant in the room. I told you that it was going to be quiet. But gee! it sure is deafening!_**

**_"Why is everyone so quiet?" she asked. Oh, Zola only if you know. She is the same age as I am. She's just older than me by months. _**

**_"Oh baby, we're all just hungry that's all," said Meredith. _**

**_"Then how come no-one is eating their meatloaf?" she is sad now. And I think that she is going to cry. "Was my cooking that bad? I promise to practice more whenever Nana comes to visit us again."_**

**_"No baby, it's yummy… look" Daddy finally took a bite off the meatloaf and smiled at Zola. "mhmm! it's delicious!" I'm sure that the food is good, but I can also tell that daddy has to exaggerate his reaction._**

**_It worked on cheering up Zola, as she wiped a tear off her cheek. And maybe it worked to keep some of the… bad vibes…away for a while at least, because everyone is eating and happy again. But if you ask me it's just another one of "fake it till it's over" kind of moments. _**

**_But, I'm just too upset now to even try. I just want my mommy now, but I have to admit the meatloaf does taste really yummy. Too bad I can't appreciate it well right now. And with Ms. Carolyn glancing at me, I'm sure I can't finish my food at all, even if I was hungry. I just really want to go home to my mom. _**

**_…._**

**Today…is probably…the longest birthday… day…ever! And it's not over yet. **

**I heard a knock on my door. I don't want to open it. But I also know that my mom will not stop bugging me until I do. So, here I go again. Personally pushing my own button; fake smile activated, emotions in control, and I even leveled up, and last but sure is not the least, tear ducts locked— Alright… I'm ready, So I unlocked my door and let my mom into my room. Another day, another play, ready, set, fake it till it's over, go. **


	6. Chapter 5

**Mom sat on my bed as I shut my bedroom door close. She's changed into her pajamas too, but I guess she's not ready to go to sleep yet. **

**She tapped the side of my bed next to her. Great…we are going to 'talk'. But this kind of talk is not like the one that Ms. Carolyn and my dad had before. On a meal, this is like the fried rice that I ordered last year for my birthday, it has everything that your body needs, such as peas, corn, egg, and other protein of your choice…like the meat kind. And this talk will be a mixture of emotions; sadness, disappointments, happiness, hugs, but sometimes anger is involved as well, but I have a feeling that tonight, anger is off the table…or maybe not. I can't tell. I'm just not sure if this is what my body needs right now. **

**Maybe she'll just apologize for forgetting my birthday. Parents tend to do that you know. Apologize to their kids. But only when they know that they have caused them another kind of pain, that will surely send them for another session with their therapist. Many things can mess up children. And parents are one of them.**

**Mom had always suggested for me to go to a therapy session with Dr. Linda. Whom is also mom's therapist. But duh! I won't do that, even with all this patient-doctor confidentiality, I would not want the same person to know how mess up me and my mom are. Besides, she's been her Doctor ever since my mom moved back to New York after her divorce from my dad and everything else that happened in Seattle. Same with me, ever since we came back from Seattle after meeting my dad, she had wanted me to go to therapy. It's not because she thinks that I'm damaged…no it's not like that. But I am, though…damaged. **

**But as my mom's therapist, she is good. Because I think that she helped my mom greatly. She found happiness again, not just when I was born, but she found love again. At least I hope so… I mean mom still hasn't married Jake, but I don't feel like thinking about my mom's problems right now. I'm already too preoccupied with my own, thank you very much!**

**But, see, my mom became concerned about me right when my dad brought me back to our hotel room. On that night of me meeting my dad's family.**

**She did have every reason to worry, you know. It was my fault. Back when I was five, the way I handle my emotions was still at Level one. I was still at the starting level. It only started right when it was triggered by my messed up family. Well at least, that's when I knew that I had to start. Or maybe…I am the only messed up one in both of my families…I'm the outsider after all.**

**…**

**_Right after dinner, daddy drove me home back to the hotel. The ride home was pretty boring. Even when we were on the ferry. I was just quiet the whole time. Daddy tried to talk to me but I will just give him short answers, and back to being quiet again. _**

**_He kept asking if I was okay, and I keep giving him the same answers back. "I'm Okay daddy, just tired."_**

**_However, I am really curious about why daddy and Ms. Carolyn argued tonight. I know that I am not supposed to be listening, or prying on what the adults talk about, so I tried to explain to him on what caused for me to have such questions. _**

**_"Daddy, I heard you yelling earlier tonight…and I just want to know why you were mad at Ms. Carolyn…" _**

**_"Nana, call her nana" dad corrected me. And with that, I felt myself hugging Christopher tighter for comfort because I want to, but I am forbidden to ever call her that. _**

**_My dad probably noticed my discomfort that is why he asked me if Ms. Carolyn talked to me before dinner. But I didn't want to answer, because I don't want to lie. Think Deyah! Hurry! Say something…anything…please! _**

**_"Deyah…" uh oh… he has his serious voice now… "Did your grandmother talked to you tonight? Did she say anything to you?"_**

**_I didn't want to lie I promise! "Yeah, daddy…she did. She uh... she just said hi to me and asked me how I was doing. She also said that I should…mhmm…smile! Yes, smile!" I wasn't lying you know! Besides she did tell me to smile. I just hoped that daddy wouldn't be suspicious._**

**_"Are you sure?" _**

**_"Yeah, dad I'm sure!" Then I smiled. Just like Ms. Carolyn told me. I smiled as big as possible and as convincing as possible. See, I do obey orders._**

**_"Okay. But sweetie, you know that you can tell me anything that you want to right? I know that we just met, but I want you to know that I love you so much! And don't you ever forget that!" Dad hugged me tightly. Not the kind where you are being deprived of breath, no. It's the kind that leaves an imprint, of longing and caring. _**

**_"I love you too daddy! Sooooo much! Like as big as, NO BIGGER THAN THIS FERRY!" I told him. Even with what Ms. Carolyn told me. This day is still a happy day for me, but I would be lying if I tell you that Ms. Carolyn's words didn't bother me. But since then, I just knew that it will bother me for the rest of my life._**

**_Dad also apologized about the awkward situation during dinner, and about him and Ms. Carolyn arguing before it. He also told me not to worry about what happened, that it was no big deal…Lie, I knew it was a lie, I just know it. but I didn't want to push him. I don't want him to hate me. _**

**_And then I hear it again… Ms. Carolyn's words…"…your dad will hate you… he wouldn't want to see you ever again."_**

**_As I heard her words ringing in my ears again, I hugged my dad again. And never wanted to let him go. I wanted to cry, but I remembered what Bizzy said, you only cry inside closed doors, away from people. _**

**_But I wanted to cry right there and then. But as for the remaining of the ferry ride, and the car ride, I started practicing holding off crying. It was really hard. And as soon as the hotel room door opened I said hi to my mom without looking at her and I said goodnight to my dad too. Then I ran straight to the bedroom and locked the door behind me. _**

**_"What the…Deyah!" I heard my mom call. _**

**_I didn't answer her as I was really about to cry. And I did…cry. And not just cry, I was bawling. I didn't want my mom to worry, but stupid me forgot that she has the key to unlock the bedroom door. _**

**_I have my face down on a pillow, which muffled the sounds of my cries. And also, I don't want anyone to see me cry. I felt a hand rubbing my back and I immediately knew that it was my mom. _**

**_"Deyah what happened?" she asked me sounding even more concerned that she was before, but I still didn't answer. I just continued crying. Mom also tried to face me upward so that my face will be exposed but, silly mom. I have my hands to use instead to cover my face. _**

**_"Derek! What happened?!" uh oh, now she's angry. It's amazing how quickly her mood changed from concerned to anger. _**

**_"I...I don't know…she was fine, and nothing happened! Sweetie what's going on with you?" Now it's my dad's turn to be worried. Man, I suck! I hate this place! I hate Seattle. Well, maybe not. But I don't like it here. And I hate this kind of attention that they are giving me as well. _**

**_"Nothing mommy and daddy…I just ..*sob* I left Christopher *sob* in the car…*sob" _**

**_"Christopher?" asked mom. _**

**_"It's a bear. I got her a bear, and she named it Christopher after me" Dad explained. _**

**_"Oh, okay." said mom. "Baby, you do know that you could have just said that right? I'm sure that Daddy wouldn't mind going back to the car to get Christopher for you"_**

**_I still have my hands covering my face while I nodded. _**

**_"Stop crying, I will go get him for you okay…I promise it wouldn't take long. And while I'm gone, you can show your mom all of the other cool stuff and pictures that you got today." said daddy. _**

**_Then I looked at him and said, "okay". My sobs got quieter for a while as I waited for him to leave the room. I just needed him out so I can keep crying. _**

**_But before he left the room I heard him talking to my mom. "She's just like you," he said. "When you cry... I mean…covering your face, trying to hide your self away from view."_**

**_"Well, she is my kid, Derek. It's one of the things that she got from her Forbes-Montgomery line." mommy chuckled "But trust me…there is more of you in her than you know…so far at least." Mommy sounds guilty for some reason. And it's probably because daddy hasn't met me until today._**

**_Then my dad was gone. But I know that he will be back. And for me, I went back to muffling my weeping with a pillow. _**

**_"Baby… come on stop it!" mom ordered. I don't know how she can do that. Sounding g strict, but gentle at the same time. "What's going on with you? I know that it's not just about some bear. Did something happen today that upset you?"_**

**_Obviously, mom! But I didn't say that. Instead, I just cried. _**

**_I think that my mom gave up asking me for a while as she grabbed me, away from the bed and took the pillow off of my face and hugged me. But I wanted to sit on her lap instead and she let me. Resting my head on her chest, I just cried. _**

**_And until before my dad came back, the room was just surrounded by the sound of my cries. And I'm glad that I'm back here in mommy's arms. It's so comforting. It's so different from being at daddy's house. Here I feel protected and safe, like always. Even if it was just the two of us. Before Jake, before my soon to be baby brother, and before daddy. And now I think I'm also grieving the soon to be the death of Mom and I's moments and bondings. _**

**_..._**

**Sitting next to my mom on my bed, it reminded me of that exact moment in the hotel room, almost three years ago, except this time…I would rather be alone. **

**"Baby, Princess…" mom grabbed my face gently to face her and rubbed my cheek with her thumb. "I'm so sorry." she apologized sounding guilty. **

**I was right. she did come here to apologize. **

**"I completely forgot, about today, your birthday…I'm so sorry." I can hear how sincere and how sorry she is. "I…will you please forgive mommy? I'm such a horrible mom…with Henry being sick at the hospital, I forgot what day it is today…it slipped my mind. I mean it's Christmas eve for Christ sakes, but…I truly am sorry…" **

**I could see my mom's eyes shining now. Some tears are filling up, and soon it will fall, but it didn't. She just closed her eyes shut and pushed back the tears, as best as the Montgomery way. **

**I grabbed my mom's hand from my cheek and held it in mine. "It's okay mom…I get it. You have been so worried about Henry...and with the babies on the way…I know that you are worried about….that too" **

**I'm not sure whether it's girls or boys yet. Mom said that she won't find out until later. She's only in her twelfth week of pregnancy. **

**"It's still no excuse for me to forget your birthday…And I'm not upset about what happened today anymore. You are not going to be grounded, and here is your phone back." she handed me back my iPhone 3g. "Your dad said that he called you as well, but you didn't give him a chance to greet you…" **

**"Yeah…but It's fine mom. Like I said I get it. Both you and dad are…busy…besides, dad…is in uhmm…Disney. You know how it is over there. There are too many things to do. Too many distractions and I'm sure that Bailey, Zola, and Ellie are keeping him busy. Especially Ellie. I mean what can a six-month-old do in a theme park…she won't remember it anyway…" I said avoiding her gaze. Because my mom knows me. And she can read too much from my eyes. At least this way, she won't be able to see much. **

**"Is that jealousy, that I'm sensing?" mom asked. not particularly accusing, or teasing, just a plain question. **

**I moved my head side to side. I mean I am jealous, but why tell the truth? It won't make any difference now. I know I said that I hate lying, but I'm not hurting anyone with this lie. Other than myself probably.**

**"No…," said my mom. Then she moved her hand away from mine and even looked away for a minute. I know that she is thinking about something. I just don't know what. It could be lots of things, really.**

**"Sweetie, I know that your dad offered you to come with them…but I also know why you rejected the invitation…You wanted to spend the night with him on your birthday. Since he always splits his time between you and Bailey every year, but…somethings changed with the plans…He did invite you but, you-" **

**"Mom, I GET IT! okay! I completely understand!" I was taken aback with the way that I raised my voice to her. Not that I have never done it before, but I just hate yelling at my mom. **

**She didn't look as shocked though. I guess she expected my reaction to it. **

**"I'm sorry, mom" I apologized. "Not just for yelling at you right now but for sneaking out as well…it's just…" Ughh I really don't want to explain this. "Can we just please… Not talk about this anymore please." I sound desperate now. My gosh, I need to get myself together. **

**"Besides I have more birthdays to come.'' I smiled at her, just so we can move on from this already. I hate drawing attention to myself. But I guess I walked right into this one**

**Gosh. this day has been really weird, to be honest…I ran away for my birthday, parents forgetting my birthday, them panicking for me being missing, and now just a bunch of exchanged apologies. **

**"Well princess, the day isn't over yet…and I know that you might have not forgiven me yet, but if you would like to join me downstairs…we could all enjoy that lovely cake that you brought home, and there's someone down there to see you." **

**Mom smiling knowingly...**

**"Who?" I asked innocently.**

**"Come downstairs and you'll see" Mom kissed my forehead and left my room, leaving my door wide open.**

**It's an invitation. For me to follow her downstairs. **

**I don't want to leave my room. Besides, I'm already in my pj's, but what do I care? I'm only eight, and now, I just wanna know who's our visitor at freaking 9 pm on Christmas Eve. **

**I walked slowly down the stairs but, I stopped halfway through as I saw myself staring at another pair of blue eyes just like mine. I couldn't believe who's here. And mom's right, my birthday isn't over yet. **


	7. Chapter 6

**I wasn't sure who I was expecting really. It could be a lot of people, but deep down I hoped for anyone else, but my family. You see, family is something that I'm not very fond of lately. Because you're supposed to feel safe, secured, and if anything else, comfortable to be with. But now, that feeling happens less and less both here in New York and Seattle. And I'm thinking that maybe soon, mom's embrace will lose it's magic as well. **

**But with our guest, I know that I can confide with her no matter what. **

**"Hi there sweetheart!" she greeted.**

**"Aunt Amelia! What are you doing here?" I immediately went to her and hugged her as tightly as possible. **

**"Opp... I miss you too! I'm getting a very tight squeeze from you today!" **

**"It's been too long since the last time I saw you." Well, since the last thanksgiving in Seattle anyway, but then again, I was only shipped their to spend 5 hours with my dad's family, including the rest of the Shepherds before I was shipped back here in New York in a private jet. One of the many perks of being a Forbes-Montgomery. Although I know my mom hated the idea though. She just doesn't have any choice. **

**"Well, It has felt too long my Darling Deyah!" Oh, I usually would be annoyed with her by calling with that old nickname that came up for me. But today, I feel so happy to hear it again. **

**"And hey, your mom told me what happened today! Care to share?" She's bent down to see me eye to eye. **

**I scrunched my noise and waived my head side to side sadly. Aunt Amy knows me well, and she knows exactly what I'm trying to say even without words. **

**"Alright, maybe we can talk about it some other time huh? But I know that it's someone's birthday today!" she reached in her luggage and handed me a small box with a red ribbon that wrapped around it. **

**I untied the bow and opened the box to reveal a charm bracelet. It only has three charms on it so far. One, that has a symbol of the number eight with a small "th" attached at the end, a charm that says, Love Aunt.A, and the third one is a ferry boat charm. **

**"Happy birthday my Darling Deyah!" **

**I hugged Aunt Amy again. "Thank You!" It was a great gift. I told you, she knows me well. I told her that I love her and she said it back to me as well. **

**We then went straight to the kitchen where my mom helped Athena prepared the birthday cake that I bought for us. They even attached the number 8 candle that I bought and it has a light on it. My mom went to my side and hugged me. **

**"I'm so sorry that I forgot your day baby, and I know that I have no excuse, and I promise that I'll make it up to you…but, for now, make a wish sweetheart." mom kissed the side of my head. **

**And I did just what she said. I closed my eyes, and made a wish…same wish from last year…I'm still hopeful, but for some reason, after I blew the fire off the candle, I felt that hope start slipping away as well, I do still want that puppy though.**

**…**

**Aunt Amy and I continued to talk in the living room. I invited her to stay and even mom insisted that she can stay here with us, but Aunt Amy said that she is expected to go to Ms. Carolyn's place for Christmas. **

**"So…you really, don't want to stay here?" I asked putting my face. Of course, she doesn't…She has other nieces and nephews to go visit. My cousins. **

**"Sorry sweetheart. Maybe next time? Besides, I'm going to see you tomorrow for Christmas at Grandma's house like always." **

**That's right. Ever since I became a Shepherd, I have been going to Ms. Carolyn's place for Christmas. I'm there before Breakfast, then around after lunchtime, I am picked up by Athena to bring me back to the penthouse. And get ready to go to either The Hamptons, Connecticut, or to fly to California on Christmas day to follow mom, Jake and Henry to spend Christmas with Jake's family. **

**Before mom and dad would have me alternate the holidays with them, a year where I spend Thanksgiving with my mom, then Christmas with him, but then they decided to just have me fly wherever they are at by having me split the day between the two of them. But this year, Mom said that we won't be going anywhere because Henry is sick. Which is fine by me. Because as of today, my room is the only place that ever comes close to being a safe place.**

**To be honest, it's very exhausting to have my time split. And it's not even my choice. I am just being passed around from family to family because they said that it's the most convenient for me. Convenient for me to spend time with all of my family…But it's mostly for them. **

**Spending time at Ms. Carolyn's place is weird. Because by now, half of them are happy to see me, and the other half has to pretend that they are. Mostly the young Shepherds…my cousins are the ones that are happy to have my companion, and also Zola and Bailey. They never miss the Shepherd family Christmas, but this year they are because right now they are in Florida. Now, I know that Ms. Carolyn will be upset by this news since my dad is her favorite kid, and that it is Ellie's first Christmas as well. **

**To be frank, I don't want to go and spend Christmas with the Shepherds. Especially, I know that Ms. Carolyn doesn't even want me there. I always feel unwelcome in her house, and I feel bad for her that she is forced to have me stay there. But I know that for my dad to not be angry with her, tolerating my presence for a few hours is the sacrifice that she has to make. And I'm very sorry for her that every holiday, she has to do the same thing.**

**…**

**_My very first Christmas with the Shepherds was overwhelming. I was with my dad when I arrived at Ms. Carolyn's House. He picked me up from the penthouse before, and my mom handed me a gift basket as a gift for them. _**

**_As we walked in, all eyes are on me. I hated it. I hid behind my dad and held onto his hand for support. I really, hate drawing people's attention. Daddy said hi to everyone before he tried to move me in front of him. Obviously, I didn't budge. So he picked me up instead and I was holding on to him like life support. _**

**_"Sorry everyone, I guess someone is a little overwhelmed. But I would like for you all to meet Deyah Anika." Dad introduced me to them._**

**_I heard a woman's voice afterward. Telling him, that they are happy to finally have me with them. I've known my dad for a year, but this is actually the first time, that I would be able to meet the entire Shepherd clan. I wasn't able to attend thanksgiving, because I had to go to California for Jake's family's Celebration._**

**_"Uncle Derek!" said the little boy, "Who is she?" Then more little voices ask the same. _**

**_"She's my daughter, she's your cousin." _**

**_"Our cousin? Is she adopted too?" Oh, their curious minds. All innocent._**

**_"Ahh no, she's not adopted. She's mine and Addison's child…you remember her right?"_**

**_"Aunt Addie?" It's a girls voice, but she's not as young as the others. She's more like a teenager. "Is she here? But, wait… what? How? For what I know…You two never had kids…Wait, mom, so you mean the other cousin that we have is Aunt Addie's daughter?" _**

**_"Yes, sweetie… Uhm…why don't we let, Deyah and Uncle Derek settle in first, then we can all get to introduce ourselves to Deyah..huh?" answered by her mother. She had a short Dark hair and a nice smile. _**

**_I had my face hidden on my dad's shoulder as he walked towards the living room. He sat down on the couch, then Zola and Bailey approached us. _**

**_"What's wrong with Deyah Dad?" asked Bailey. "Did she not have fun last night with you?"_**

**_"No, sport, Deyah is just a little shy. And she had fun last night, can you greet her happy birthday?"_**

**_"Happy birthday Deyah!" said Bailey and Zola._**

**_"Yesterday was my birthday too! We went skating and to FAO Schartz where he got me a train set, then he had to leave before dinner for your birthday." Bailey is happy sharing this to me. "Did you do the same thing with him." _**

**_I'm actually happy that Bailey is here, I get along well with him more than Zola, really. So I finally lifted my head to face him. _**

**_"No, daddy and I just went out for dinner, after I spent the day with my mom, Jake, and Henry. He got me this necklace." Ever since then I always have the necklace on me. _**

**_Bailey looked at my necklace. It's white gold, with a letter D pendant. "That's cool…and Who's Henry?" Gosh, he sure does have a lot to ask._**

**_I haven't seen them since that first night that I spent with them in Seattle. Mostly it was just my dad that visits me here in New York, then I spend the day with him._**

**_I told Bailey, that Henry is my new baby Brother. And he told me that he wants a baby brother as well. I'm guessing because now he has two sisters. I can't blame him, he didn't want me before, but he didn't hate me as well. He's four now and he still wants the same thing. So do I. I'm six now, and I still want my mom and dad to be together again, so I can have my own family. _**

**_Aunt Nancy is the first one to talk to me. It's so good to see her, and I'm going to finally meet her kids. She has four. _**

**_She asked me for a hug, which made me finally detach myself from my dad. Then, I met Aunt Liz, who has three kids and Aunt Kathleen followed after that. She has five children. Wow. I have a lot of Aunts and lots, and lots of cousins. I saw Ms. Carolyn looking at us, but she wasn't very happy. I still remember every word that she told me back in Seattle. And I don't think that I ever will forget it. _**

**_Looking at her, I feel like I would want to run and leave this place, even with my dad, and everyone else here, I feel not welcomed. Thankfully Aunt Amy walked in the front door. _**

**_"Aunt Amy!" I yelled at her and ran straight to her to hug her. "I miss you so much!" Now I'm crying, but it wasn't for Aunt Amy, it's because I'm scared of Ms. Carolyn_**

**_"Hey there Darling Deyah! I missed you too baby! I'm so glad that your here."_**

**_"How's Seattle? Do you like it there? Are you ever going to move back to New York?" You see, aunt Amy moved to Seattle just a few months after I met dad. She told me that daddy and her are not in good terms so she will move, to make peace with him. _**

**_I understood what she needed to do. I mean, mommy did the same before, but I hope that Aunt Amy and Dad will make up because I know that daddy and mommy didn't. _**

**_"Hello everyone, I see that you all finally met Deyah." Aunt Amy said._**

**_"Yeah! She looks just like you and Derek!" Aunt Nancy said. I like Aunt Nancy too. I mean I like all of them, but I think that I like Aunt Nancy more, but Aunt Amy will always be my favorite. _**

**_"So, Uncle Derek is Aunt Addie coming too?" Asked one of my older cousins. _**

**_"Yeah Uncle Derek! Where's Aunt Addie. We miss her so much! Does she not like us anymore?" Asked by another cousin. _**

**_Almost all of my cousins are a lot older than me, Zola, and Bailey, but two babies are present here at the moment. With all of these people in the house. I felt like I'm going to have trouble learning all of their names. But compared to the Christmas that I have spent with Bizzy and the Captain, this place feels homier, than in Connecticut. But then again, I'm not sure about it by the way Ms. Carolyn is looking at me. _**

**_I haven't said a word to her since I got here. And with all the people talking to me, I'm just thankful that I might not have to. _**

**_Meredith then came out of the kitchen. She has been helping Ms. Carolyn prepare lunch. I don't know why but, this is giving me a Deja Vu feeling._**

**_I sat next to Aunt Amelia as we ate our lunch. The food was delicious. Most of my cousins and I finished our food quicker than adults. I then followed them to the living room and hang out with them for a little while. So far no-one has been mean to me. _**

**_Kaileigh, Aunt Kathleen's daughter braided my hair. She's 15 years old. She told me that she's always wanted a younger sister, but she was given with three younger brothers instead. Funny, my dad was given four sisters. I was given with two brothers and a sister, but something tells me that I'm about to have more. _**

**_.._**

**_I didn't stay long after that. I couldn't stay for their yearly tradition. The Shepherds would usually hang the star on the tree on Christmas day when each member of the family is present, and whoever is the newest, or the youngest member of the Shepherd Clan would get to do hang the star on top of the tree. I was informed that I could do it next year when I wasn't in a rush. _**

**_My gifts were all handed to me. I would have to remind my mom to send out thank you cards to all of those that gave a gift to me. But, Kaileigh told me that they always receive a gift from my mom every year, even after the divorce. I guess she never stopped caring for them. _**

**_Even we have to rush taking pictures. My dad insisted on having my picture taken with him. It is our first Christmas after all. He and Meredith even included me in their family picture taken near the Shepherd Christmas tree. And it was insisted to have me and Ms. Carolyn to have our picture taken together. I guess, first Christmas with "grandma" is also special. I was sitting on her lap which makes me feel uneasy but it would have been tolerable if she didn't whisper words into me again. Reminding me that I will never be a shepherd for her — "This doesn't mean anything. Remember what I have told you before. You're just my son's obligation" _**

**_"Mom! I know that your excited for your new grandchild, but stop whispering at her and look at the camera will you?" says Aunt Nancy. _**

**_"okay… okay… then hurry up and take the picture already" says Ms. Carolyn. _**

**_"Now smile will you?" she said quietly, directed to me._**

**_And I did just that, just like before. She should thank Bizzy. I learned how to fake a smile from her after all. But I just really wanted to leave right at that moment. _**

**_Thankful enough, After the pictures, I said my goodbyes, because Athena had been waiting for me in the car for a while. She picked me up from Ms. Carolyn's house. That year, we went to Connecticut, at The Captain and Bizzy's place. Mom said that Uncle Archer will be there, and since he's flying from Italy, she wanted to go spend Christmas with him, and introduce the six-month-old Henry to him. _**

**_…_**

**As the night ends, I reflected on the things that happened today. I turned eighth, mom forgot that my birthday, but I can't blame her because she had to go to Henry at the hospital, because Jake had an emergency surgery, I sneaked out, came back home, got grounded, got ungrounded, made a wish from my birthday cake, saw Aunt Amelia, and never called my dad back. **

**I liked spending my birthdays just with my mom on the morning time, and dinner with dad. For the last two birthdays it was that setup, but whatever. I should have seen this coming. **

**I heard Ms. Carolyn's voice- ****_"Your just my son's obligation." _**

**She isn't wrong though. I just hate facing the truth. Because it hurts. I don't like admitting it to others. But it hurts to be an obligation. But what Ms. Carolyn didn't know is that I am my mother's obligation as well. Or maybe she does, and that's what she'll remind me tomorrow. **

**Well, I'll just have to go to her house and find out for myself tomorrow. It's going to be just another normal day. But another pain. And speaking of obligations, I have mine too- to be a good follower as a so-called member of the family. I hate my birthday! And I hate Christmas! Maybe I should've wished for something different instead, but I guess I'll just try again next year.**


	8. Chapter 7

Okay, so first of all, THIS IS NOT ADDEK OR MERDER. At least, I don't think I would want to focus on either for this. I will be honest that I am an Addek supporter, but I don't hate on Merder either. Anyway, I plan to just focus this story on the child's POV and maybe from time to time, there's going to be POV's from the adults as well. But anyway, I respect both ships and we should respect each other as well, Be kind to everyone, it's not that hard. Anyway...here's my new update! ^_^

**8:45 a.m. **

**I'm back in Queens again. Ms. Carolyn's place always feels "homey" if I may say. It's warm, cozy, it's a home. Not like Bizzy's and the Captain's place. It's huge, cold, empty, hollow, and even with all of their servants there. It feels unwelcoming. It's quiet. **

**In Ms. Carolyn's house, it is like a museum. A museum of Shepherd family relics. Filled with family photos, childhood memories of her kids, and her grandkids. The kitchen always smells fragrant. The scent of a fresh home-cooked meal. And every time I'm here, there are waves of laughter that fill the entire house.**

** I see my cousins, my aunts, and of course, Ms. Carolyn is here. We all live in the same state, just in different areas, and yet I hardly see Ms. Carolyn. For the obvious reasons. And for my cousins, I see them from time to time to hang out. **

**It's funny how my own…I don't know…Dad's mother. Calling her my grandma feels foreign to me. She doesn't like it either. Well yeah… her...doesn't like me at all. Even before she knew that I'm her son's kid, she didn't like me at all. For what I know is that because my mom cheated on my dad, she hates my mom, and I'm my mom's daughter; are the reasons why she dislikes me. At least that's what Annie told me. She's Aunt Nancy's oldest daughter. She's 19 now. **

**I like all of my cousins. And I think they like me too. And it's also nice that they're older than me-they leave me alone. Since you know, they really don't like hanging out with little kids. But without my dad here. I feel more uncomfortable than I usually do. Even if Aunt Amy is here. **

**Staring at the wall of family pictures does not help either. Everybody is up on the wall. Even Aunt Lizzie's dog. But guess who's not there. ME. Ms. Carolyn hangs photos of her kids family. My special favorite, the photo of my dad's family. It was last years Christmas photo. It was perfect actually. There's Meredith, Zola, Dad, and Bailey sitting on dad's lap. Don't get me wrong I had a picture with them too. Every year. And one with Ms. Carolyn. But I never made it onto the wall. **

**Aunt Amy came to get me letting me know that it's time for breakfast. Yay! But I didn't go with her without sighing. **

* * *

**9:30 a.m.**

**Breakfast was great. This year, we had pancakes shaped like a Christmas tree. It was even green. I miss my dad though. But I'm not sure whether I'm happy or not, because if he's here, I feel like I'm forcing myself into his family. But being here is part of their deal so that there's no attorneys and messy custody's involve. Even if my mom's best friends are Aunt Savvy and Uncle Weiss. And their kids are my best friend too. Jacob, and Alissa. But they moved to Chicago when I was five. I never had any other best friends since then. **

**I wanna leave. But I can't yet. Can it be lunch already? **

* * *

**We were almost done eating when somebody rang the doorbell. Aunt Lizzie's husband asked if Were expecting anyone else, but Ms. Carolyn said no. **

**Aunt Amy went to go open the door. **

**Then, I heard familiar voices. **

**"Aunt Amy! Aunt Amy! Surprise!" says the voices. **

**I didn't have to turn around from my seat to know who it was. I've known those voices since I was five. It's my dad and his family. I thought they weren't going to be here. I left the table without glancing at them. I had to get away for a while. The restroom here is not that big. but it's the only space that I know that I can be in. **

**Why are they here? Aren't they supposed to be in Florida? Had they always planned to be here today and not tell me? I mean why would he have to tell me right? I'm just his kid that he couldn't come for my birthday yesterday. **

**I think that no-one even noticed about my whereabouts. But I had to get out of the restroom eventually. Well yeah because Oliver, Aunt Nancy's son had to use it. I know, I have lots of cousins. Some of them, I haven't even introduced to you yet. **

**I really didn't want to show my face to them. So I step out the backdoor into the snow. Well, fuck. It's freezing cold, I don't have my coat on since I left it on the coat hanger inside. I'm just thankful that it wasn't snowing, and no blizzard going on, if not, I might freeze to death out here. **

**I was playing with the snow from the snow that built up last night. Making snowballs, that is. Had to keep my self busy. I cannot deny that I am cold, but even being outside is warmer than being inside with the Shepherds. **

**I checked the watch on my wrist for the third time today. It was a gift from my dad last year. It was a birthday gift. And he gave me a guitar for my Christmas Present last year. He said that I can rely on him. That he's going to be there whenever I need him. That he will be there on the time that he says he will be. I believed him. Not anymore though. Right when Ellie was born, he got busier than ever. He missed my recital this year because Meredith was at the hospital in labor. His weekend visits reduced for "emergency" reasons. Whatever it was. But he still visited me. Just not as often as before.**

* * *

**10:31 a.m.**

**30 minutes…**

**I was outside for 30 minutes before Aunt Nancy found me. She said that they've been looking for me and that my dad is here. She said that I should come say hi, to them, and my siblings too. **

**I followed her back inside. Everybody was on their feet scattered all over the house, but most of them are in the living room in aww over baby Ellie. Ms. Carolyn was carrying her, and the baby was smiling and cooing at them. She was being phased around, from aunts to uncles. Since not everyone has met her yet. Last thanksgiving, only Ms. Carolyn and Aunt Amy were there. The others were with their different side of their family. Meredith's dad was even their for thanksgiving. **

**I was watching them from the kitchen when Bailey saw me. He ran towards me to say hi and gave me a hug. **

**My dad then saw me too. I smiled at him. And he smiled back. He was hesitant at first, but he ended up walking towards me too. He asked Bailey if he could go back to the living room to help his mom put away their things. **

**I already knew what he was doing. He wants to talk to me. **

**"Hey baby," said Dad. **

**I can hear it. He's going to apologize too. He and mom had that in common. They all start and sound that way when they want to apologize to me. To be honest. These apologies are getting exhausting. I mean. I'm completely okay with them not doing that and just move on. **

**But am I really? Okay with it, I mean. **

**"Hey, dad, and No…I'm not a baby anymore," I told him without avoiding his gaze. **

**He smiled at me, resting his hand on the kitchen table. "But you are my baby. And I can sense that you're mad at me." **

**"No, dad. I'm not mad, at you." I said as I crossed my arms. "And no, I am not. You didn't even know me when I was a baby…remember?" Okay, maybe that's too much… Calm down Deyah.**

**Dad is now looking at my stance. My crossed arms especially… I then immediately rest my arms back to my sides…Sometimes, I hate it that he knows me. I was in my defensive mode. **

**"Deyah…I. Alright. I'm sorry about yesterday…I was angry at you yesterday, but baby…sweetie, you left without telling anyone and I was worried about you. And you weren't answering my calls, then you turned off your phone. If your mom didn't call, I wouldn't know if you made it home or not." **

**I nodded my head up and down, slowly.**

**"I guess I'm the one who owed you an apology dad. I'm sorry that you worried about me. I'm sorry that mom called you and bothered you about it. And I'm sorry that you have to apologize to me. You don't have to. I promise. And see I'm fine there's nothing to be worried about okay?" I raised my eyebrows at him. **

**"Besides, Dad, I'm supposed to hang out with you the day after New Years. That's what we had talked about right? So we can celebrate my birthday together… And you know it's Christmas, and you're here, I know it's a wonderful surprise for everyone. Especially to Ms. Carolyn. you know. We weren't expecting you this year." **

**I smiled at him, and I was about to walk away from him. He grabbed my arm, making me stop. **

**I turned around facing him again. He is now kneeling down. His face is now on the same level as mine. And I found myself just staring at a pair of blue eyes that is the same as mine.**

**"Deyah…I know it's late, but Happy Birthday baby. It was yesterday, I know and your mom already told me everything that happened. And I want you to know that I tried to call you back, so I can greet you properly but your phone was off." dad sounds sincere. But I'm not surprised. It's called guilt. **

**"I know, I get it, dad. I understand. And like I said, I'm not a baby. I told my mom the same thing as to what I'm telling you now. I'm not mad at any of you. It's really no big deal. Now, can we please just, move pass this, please. It's just a birthday. I have more birthdays. Besides, it was Christmas eve." I told him, I was lying when I said that it wasn't a big deal. But it was, but it doesn't matter. **

**It's not really about me. There's a lot of people here in this house. And I don't want him to focus on apologizing to me. He just surprised everyone including me with their arrival, the last thing I want is to spoil his day. It's Christmas. **

**I looked at my watch. 10:45 a.m. Ugh. **

**My dad just hugged me and said, "I'm still sorry. And you know that you can call her grandma right. You still call mom Ms. Carolyn, why is that." **

**I told him that it was Disney's fault since it's know to be the happiest place on earth, that he was distracted and laughed it off and I just shrugged about Ms. Carolyn. I can't tell him the truth. He's going to be mad at her. **

**He held my hand and lead me to where the others are at. Meredith said hi to me and I did too. Then I went to Aunt Lizzie's side. She's holding Ellie, and I kissed her little blonde head. **

**Ms. Carolyn then had to push me away and grabbed Ellie. It wasn't a hard push. It wasn't as gentle but it wasn't obvious, that no one would know but me. **

**"I haven't seen this grandchild of mine since thanksgiving. Let grandma hold her now." Ms. Carolyn said. **

**Everyone was laughing. **

**"What? it's true. Everybody else is here in New York, and Derek's family and Amelia are in Seattle you know. You all have me here all the time, but I still hardly get visits— What is it that you say. You're busy." Then all of them got quieter, but not into an awkward silence. **

**"Haha, now we just need Amelia to start popping out kids, so we can add more grandkids to this family." Said Aunt Nancy. **

**"Hey! It will happen eventually! Don't pressure." Said Aunt Amy. "And I think that we have enough for now."**

**"Yeah! But until then we have our baby Ellie to play with! And It's such a wonderful surprise! And this is her first year to hang the star on the tree. And she just made it here in time." said Ms. Carolyn.**

**Everyone is smiling and Laughing, and clapping lightly all excited for Ellie's big moment. They're just enjoying the moment. **

**So I sat by the staircase. Being behind all this…Happy. Just hoping for time to move faster. Counting the days the I've known them too. **

**Their I sat remembering the time I hanged that star on the tree. Ms. Carolyn wasn't very happy with the idea I know and it didn't feel like this at all. I felt weird being around a ****_family _****that were mostly strangers to me at the time. I was dropped in a house full of strangers other than the two Aunts that I know, my dad, his wife and kids, and a grandma that won't let me call grandma anyway.**

**3 years now. it's been three years and there is something that changed. They are still strangers. I'm not close to them or anything, other than Aunt Nancy's kids. But I know that I have to get along with them.**

**But there's a change that I'm sure about. I feel more empty, guiltier, and hopeless than ever. **

**The Shepherd family star is out. It's old but, still in a really good condition. Ms. Carolyn handed it to my dad along with Ellie as well. He lifted her up hoping for the baby to know what to do, but obviously, she doesn't. Not yet. She's still too young. She doesn't know how valuable that star is to the family yet, and that it's been around for more than 50 years. So Meredith came to help and lead Ellie's hand to position the Star on the tree properly. If she drops it and breaks it, I know that no-one will be upset, but her Meredith is there to make sure that won't happen. **

**Claps, cheers, yay's, and greetings, of "Merry Christmas" filled the room. They even sound happier than the year before when it was still Bailey who was the youngest Shepherd and puts the star up. He did it every year since he was born, even when e was just a day old fresh out from the hospital for Christmas, except for the year that I showed up unannounced. Surprise! There's another Shepherd. Ms. Carolyn took that star with her all the way to Seattle, when she found out that Meredith was in labor, for what they thought was my dad, Derek's first official kid. Other than Zola of course, but she doesn't really count. **

**Albeit the fact that I existed before any of them. They just didn't know, but wait…Aunt Amy and Aunt Nancy knew me then…**

**I shook the thought off before I start losing it and run off somewhere again. **

**Just as I got out of my reverie, it was time for gift exchanges. I'm not surprised, that I have a gift. Or gifts in that manner. They were kind enough of them to be obliged to give me a gift. I said my thank you's for both of my Christmas gifts and my birthday gifts. They do give me double presents, so does Bailey. What can we do, we both have the same birthday, that also happens on Christmas Eve.**

**When everyone was opening up there presents. I set aside mine by the front door. Getting it ready for when I leave. I've been doing this since I was six. And it still feels weird. It feels like I just come for the gifts every year then I leave. But really it wasn't like that. It's just how my parents agreed to share me. **

**It's exhausting being pass on to one hour to another, on Holidays, breaks, but thankfully not on my weekends. **

**11:50 a.m.**

**OH MY GOSH! Ughh…Could time get any slower? **

**But for the people around me, time was going by quicker. I mean, Ms. Carolyn said so. **

**"Oh my, look at the time. It's time to eat again. Time really does fly when your having fun!" she was still holding Ellie, who's now passed out on her shoulder but the way. She's probably exhausted from their flight or from being passed around by her relatives. Who knows really.**

**Ms. Carolyn got it right though. I'm not having fun. That's why for me, time passes by slowly. **

**Meredith and the aunts are all in the Kitchen helping Ms. Carolyn set up the table. Ms. Carolyn is a great cook. She always prepares the food the night before, so that it's not a hassle anymore. I'm sure Aunt Amy helped her out. I mean, I'm sure she did. She is staying here after all. **

**Dad and the rest of my uncles are sharing a beer in the living room. Talking about their jobs, their kids, their life. And my cousins, they have their little groups on their own. My teenage cousins are all upstairs. I'm sure they are gossiping, and whatever it is that teens do. The young Shepherds, Oliver who's nine, Dylan is ten, Kevin Jr. is eleven, Hazel who's eight, almost nine though, and Zola, who's nine now. I found out that She's about a year older than me. My dad and Meredith adopted her when she was already about a year old. They are all down here near the fireplace playing and wrestling with each other, but it's all fun play. **

**Hazel and Zola are just talking to each other. They are really close, might even say that they are best friends even if they live far apart. Whenever they see each other again, they just hit it right off the bat, like no time ever passed. But Zola and I, She doesn't really like me very much. She used to though. But I cannot blame her for not liking me. I don't like me. And I'll tell you all about her and I's relationship very soon. **

**Bailey, however, is sitting on my dad's lap resting his head on his shoulder. He said that he has a headache. They already gave him medicine, but it probably hasn't kicked in yet. I can see my dad rubbing his back. In a circle motion, soothing him, with a bottle of beer on the other hand. **

**Me, I'm back sitting on the staircase, just observing everybody else. **

**I'm not really close to anyone anymore. But they all still talk to me…out of obligation that is. **

**11:52 a.m. **

**Still waiting for time to pass. **

**Wonderful. 2 minutes that's how long it has been since the last time I checked.**

**I'm bored. And I don't want to join my cousins. My dad is busy. My aunts are busy in the kitchen. My other cousins, I'm sure they don't want me up there either. **

**So I grabbed my coat from the coat hanger and walked out to the porch. The only good thing here in Ms. Carolyn's house is that she has a swing on her front porch. And I love swings. **

**Swinging back and forth, I could feel the cold air cooling my cheeks, making them turn red and numb. I wish that I could be numb. So I wouldn't feel how I'm feeling. I hate it. I hate me. But I love my family. And that's the painful part. My love for all of them makes me hurt. **

* * *

**It should be time to eat right now. But I don't feel like eating. I reached for my phone from my coats pocket, to turn it on. It had been off since last night right after my dad called. **

**I saw that he had 20 other missed calls and 8 voicemails. I even have 5 text messages from him. If you think that's a lot. You don't want to know how many I have in total if you combine, mom's, and Jake's as well. **

**I really wanna go home. It's not like I'm going to feel any better at the penthouse. But at least my room is there. Also, Henry is going to be home today. I wanna know how he is too. I have been staying healthy for the last couple of weeks because he needs me to be. I am going to give him some of my bone marrow you know. **

* * *

**Dad walked out the front door and sat next to me on the swing. No beer, and no Bailey with him. I still don't want him there though. But deep inside. I just want him for myself. **

**"There's a land called passive-aggresiva…and you are their princess." He said smiling while looking at me. **

**"What?" I asked, confuse. What the heck is he talking about?**

**"I said…"**

**"I heard what you said, Dad. But I don't get it." I really don't. Or do I?**

**"You know. I couldn't believe that I uttered those words again. I haven't said that in…8, 9 years now."**

**I just stared at him. Man, can he just get to the point already? **

**"I used to say it to your mom. But of course, She's the queen you know. You are your mother's daughter" he said. **

**"Duh! Obviously! Thanks for letting me know, I had no idea. But you still don't make sense though." I rolled my eyes **

**"Why don't you tell me," he said. " And I will let that eye-roll pass young lady. Because I know that even you don't say it, you are upset." He fixed his stance standing tall now, in his serious 'I'm not kidding around' stance. "What are you really mad about. Are you still mad at me for not greeting you yesterday, or for being in Disney, because you know I asked for you to come with us."**

**"Oh my gosh! for the last time I told you I'm not angry! But if you keep asking, I think I'm about to be." Uhh, right now I'm just annoyed by him. **

**"Then what are you doing out here by yourself. You've been quiet, not interacting with your cousins, and now your outside on a swing when were supposed to be eating lunch." **

**I don't think that he's going to leave me alone if I don't give him a decent answer. **

**"It's really nothing dad. I promise. I'm just exhausted. I'm sorry." Lie. Well, Kind of. I AM exhausted. **

**I had to tell him something at least. **

**"Uhuh," he said, scratching his chin. "I don't buy it. Sweetie, I'm worried about you. You used to be really talkative, cheerful, and I've noticed that every time you're here at Nana's place, you always act like this." **

**I looked straight. Not really looking at anything. **

**"Are your cousins being mean to you? Did Nana say anything that upset you?"**

**"No. They're all nice," I tell him. Another lie.**

**"Then what's going on. Please tell me the truth. "**

**"Dad. I'm fine." geez… sigh…**

**"Fine, fine!" He got up and placed his hands on his hip. Looking down at me. I know that he is annoyed by me too. "Deyah, I'm trying here!"**

**I covered my face with my hands. And those tears that have been waiting to come out are now pouring. **

**My dad apologized to me for raising his voice. He is now trying to pry my hands away from my face. But of course, I didn't budge. There was no closed space available to me at the moment. And I couldn't control my tears anymore.**

**Dad carried me and walked us back inside the house. I can hear the clicking of the silverware and plates. They started eating already. And my dad should be joining them right now, but here he was holding me. **

**People asked about what happened and if everything was alright. **

**I'm sorry, dad. **

**I'm sorry Ms. Carolyn. I didn't mean to interrupt lunch.**

**I want my dad to join them for lunch. So I quieted myself and wiped my tears. Then I told my dad that I'm fine, that he should eat. He invited me to go with him, but I shook my head no, Laid on the couch and curled myself up on the couch. Then I fell asleep. I wasn't aware that I was exhausted. But I guess, being forced in an environment where you constantly have to watch your actions is exhausting. **

**I lost track of time, but as I opened my eyes, Athena was there shaking me awake. **


End file.
